OFF THE CUFF

Most of us who live in the Missouri Ozarks love the place.

And for good reason – the combination of the natural beauty and the kind of people you find here make for a wonderfully livable situation. But we who live in the region also know we share a few distinct characteristics. Here are some examples.

If you’ve ever used super glue to treat a cut on your finger, you might be from the Ozarks.

If you’ve ever attended a wedding in a barn, and watched the ceremony seated on a bale of hay, you might be from the Ozarks.

If you think “Finland” is a catfish restaurant, you might be from the Ozarks.

If you’ve ever gone shopping in you local hardware store while wearing a pair of boots with duct tape wrapped around the toes, you might be from the Ozarks.

If you call an ATV a “4-wheeler” and a UTV a “side-buh-side,” you might be from the Ozarks.

If you call a 2-by-4 board a “tuba 4,” you might be from the Ozarks.

If you kill copperheads when you see them, but let black snakes and king shakes live, you might be from the Ozarks.

If you “open carry” your Smith & Wesson revolver when you attend church, you might be from the Ozarks.

If you live in a two story, four-bedroom house with a two-car garage, a swimming pool and a horse barn, and your neighbors on one side live in a double-wide trailer and your neighbors on the other side live in a single-wide, you might be from the Ozarks.

If you can recite lines delivered by Barney Fife in more than 10 episodes of “The Andy Griffith Show,” you might be from the Ozarks.

If reruns of “The Andy Griffith Show” run for hours almost every day on a TV in your office, you might be from the Ozarks.

If your home town has no place to buy fresh produce except Walmart, you might be from the Ozarks.

If you drive 15 miles to the nearest town to buy fresh produce at a grocery store, because you don’t want to buy it at Walmart, you might be from the Ozarks.

If you recall attending a one-room schoolhouse before the building had electricity, you might be from the Ozarks.

If you have a large painting of a buck and two does prominently displayed on a wall in your house, you might be from the Ozarks.

If you carry a snapshot in your wallet depicting yourself with your biggest-ever deer kill, you might be from the Ozarks.

If you carry a credit card in your wallet that scores you points for product at an outdoor equipment superstore, you might be from the Ozarks.

If you like going to the local livestock sale barn just for entertainment, you might be from the Ozarks.

If you host an outdoor party and your donkey wanders through the crowd like a dog, you might be from the Ozarks.

If you would be hesitant to live anywhere else, but you’re glad that not very many people live where you live, you might be from the Ozarks.

FACT CHECK See inaccurate information in this story? Tell us here.

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