OFF THE CUFF

As I’ve touched on multiple times in the past, every day of every year has several special designations.

Whether serious or silly, designed to represent a good cause or just be funny, these designations are far too numerous for most people to even be aware of, let alone keep up with. So as a public service in the spirit of making sure folks are as informed as possible, here are some of the special designations of days in July and August.

•July 2 is I Forgot Day.

I didn’t forget this one this year, because I didn’t know about until recently. But by definition, this is a day not to celebrate because that would require remembering to do so.

But then, if we don’t remember to forget about it, how can we comply with the concept behind the day? But if we remember it in any way at all, then we haven’t forgotten it, right?

I’m thinking maybe this one is simply too complicated to celebrate.

•July 3 is Compliment Your Mirror Day.

Taken literally, this day has nothing to do with the image you see when you look in a mirror.

No, it’s obviously all about making your favorite piece of metal-backed glass know how much you appreciate it. One can only hope it understands.

•July 14 is Shark Awareness Day.

I’d say it’s always good to be aware of sharks, but I believe that some ways of celebrating this day might be safer than others.

One way that might not be all that safe would be going out in a boat on the ocean, holding a two-pound sirloin steak out over the water and yelling, “here sharkie, sharkie, sharkie!”

Another way that might be best to avoid would be competing in a Mako-riding contest (although I’d have to give the winner plenty of credit).

•July 15 is National Cow Appreciation Day.

Being a devout omnivore, I feel led to celebrate this day many times each year.

But maybe those of us who fall into that same category should consider giving at least one cow a hug each time this day comes around. And then we simply must fully display our apprecitaion by heading to an eatery and downing a big fat cheeseburger or a plate of juicy brisket.

•July 20 is National Moon Day.

This is a day is meant to commemorate when a man first walked on the Moon, as July 20, 1969, is when NASA Apollo 11 Commander Neil Armstrong and lunar module pilot Buzz Aldrin each set foot on the Moon’s surface.

But due to its name, I just know this day attracts plumbers, college kids and other folks who wish to crack a smile in someone else’s presence. Be advised, there might be a full moon on this day – every year.

•July 27 is Take Your Houseplants for a Walk Day.

This day presents a chance to put the ficus, philodendron or the little succulents in a stroller or backpack and head out for a while together. While they may not be able to vocalize it, I’ll bet they would appreciate the fresh air. And hey, don’t houseplants deserve the best care possible?

•August 3 is National Grab Some Nuts Day.

While it’s designed to promote the enjoyment of eating almonds, pistachios or whatever other nut might be someone’s favorite, I feel like this day and Moon Day have something in common.

I might recommend caution if you know someone who says they intend to celebrate.

•August 8 is Sneak Some Zucchini onto Your Neighbor’s Porch Day.

While you’re celebrating this day, why not add a few layers to your neighbor’s fun?

There are so many possibilities; you could toss some cauliflower on the roof, empty a jar of pickles into the mailbox, jam a banana into a car’s tailpipe and maybe even hang cabbage leaves from the trees. What fun!

Just make sure you’re ready for your neighbor to celebrate Retaliate Against Your Weird Neighbor Day (which must certainly exist somewhere on the calendar).

•August 10 is National Lazy Day.

I realize that many, many Americans celebrate this day every day, but at least it’s official once a year.

I say those of us who aren’t always lazy should join together for one glorious day and avoid succumbing to the desires of all the experts in the entitlement field who surround us on a regular basis. Yeah, let’s just be lazy for 24 hours and see how they like it.

•August 22 is National Just Because Day.

Wow, how cool is it that there’s a day when we can all do things without justification?

While we normally do a lot of things because we’re expected to, this day offers a chance to do stuff without any rational reason or explanation.

I’m looking forward to being asked why I did something on this day and simply replying, “just because.”

•August 23 is National Ride the Wind Day.

This day is billed as a chance to experience “a carefree day to soar above the earth.”

While celebrating, participants are encouraged to “catch a ride with the breeze, or float along slowly like a gentle, late summer cloud.”

Suggestions for ways to celebrate include flying in an airplane, flying a kite, parachuting, hang gliding or just kicking back and enjoying “one of the last days of summer.”

This day is not to be confused with National Break the Wind Day (which, again, I’m sure can be found somewhere on the calendar).

FACT CHECK See inaccurate information in this story? Tell us here.

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